Virginia Beach
I am not really the write in a diary kind of person but with nothing else to do here, we go.
We arrived last night at my Grams condo. She had left me a little care basket and in among other things was this leather-bound diary and several really nice pens.
There was also a note saying she had linked one of her credit cards to my room key. Gram said I would be able to use it for a spa day or anything else I may need around the resort. She told me not to worry about how much things cost and to consider anything I purchased a graduation present. She said she would see me in a few weeks and try to and enjoy myself.
It's still raining but they say the actual storm hit last week. The cable and internet are down, not that I am allowed to use them, leave it to Gram to find something for me to do when there is nothing to do, and she isn't here.
I'm also not sure on diary etiquette if there is such a thing. Am I supposed to be addressing the diary as if it is my close personal confidant, or am I writing to my future self for review and self-reflection? I think it may be both.
I can't remember the last time I put pen to paper. I mean, don't we live in the civilized world. My finger already hurts.
Dear Diary,
It's Tuesday
After some reflection, I have decided you are my only companion for the next week and a half until my Gram gets here. You are a place I can write my thoughts without fear of repercussions or judgment. It will be within your pages I write, then reflect on what has brought me to this point in my life. I will also be documenting what it is like to be me.
So, let's back up a little and catch you up on the events that have landed me on this tropical island for the summer.
A little over a year and a half ago was my senior year. It was supposed to be one of the best years of my life. The pinnacle of childhood. That golden moment before crossing the magical threshold of adulthood and responsibility
A quick recap. My family, Mom, Dad, my two older brothers and I relocated to a small town in Michigan from Sunny Fort Lauderdale. It was the summer before I was to start my ninth-grade year.
So, I started from scratch in this little rural town far from the hustle and bustle of city life. I wasn't a typical teen growing up. While my two brothers, who were four and six years older, were the epitome of cool. I was not. Not only was I a bit of a late bloomer, but I was more than a little awkward. After the move, my parents became very strict with me. I was never encouraged to make friends. When it came to social skills, well, I had none. As far as friends I may have had, they had been left behind 800 miles away.
So, I turned my attention to school, and for the next three years, I was top of the bottom ten percent of my class. Yeah, let that sink in. I did just well enough to not be noticed. On top of my academic failure and lack of friends Mom and dad never allowed me to date or attend social functions that included both sexes.
I had a few friends, but they were not popular kids. As a matter of fact, I secretly hated them for not being popular. On the first day of my freshman year, I was invited to sit at a table by what looked like a normal human. She was nice and had a great personality. What I didn't know is every one of her friends was a bottom feeder. I was quickly shunned by the "cool kids" after that fateful day. It's amazing how sitting at the unpopular kid's table one time had earned me a new label. Loser. To say I had all kinds of self-image problems would be the understatement of the year.
Flash forward to my senior year and things just got worse. First, the world tried to end with a global pandemic that shut down my life. Then we didn't' know if we were going to have school let alone graduate. That was fine by me by the way. In the end, none of that mattered. Well not for me anyway. I ended up slipping on some ice and I fell down a flight of stairs. I remember the slip, and then I remember it was like something sucked the light away from my eyes, but nothing after that.
Among all my other injuries it Turned out that I broke my neck. Go me. My doctors were optimistic however and told me, with physical therapy over the next few years, I may even regain control of some of the motor functions in my arms, but I would most likely never walk again. I spent my eighteenth birthday in a hospital bed recovering from my second surgery and that is when the depression really set in.
Flash forward four months. I had my 4th surgery. This time to fuse two of my vertebrae for pain management. The long and short is when I woke up, I had to pee. Still groggy and disorientated from the anesthesia, I sat up and swung my feet off the bed. All the alarms started going off when things were disconnected and by the time the nurse got in the room. I was halfway to the bathroom. I don't remember any of the incidents, but that's what they told me when I woke up several hours later. Everything seemed to be working again, including my nerve endings. The pain was almost unbearable.
I still needed lots of physical therapy. Begrudgingly my body continued to heal and so did my mental health. I began to feel like I had been given a second chance to live my life. I wanted to live it in full. Maybe I would travel to exotic places and do exotic things.That is until my parents informed me, I would be returning to school in the fall. With no job, no money, and no life, I reluctantly did as I was told and that is when the pendulum of luck began to swing the other way.
The week before school, my gram came to visit. That would be my father's mother. The last time I saw her was just before we left Fort Lauderdale over four years ago. I was super excited to see her. Before we moved, she was a staple at the house. She had helped raise me and my brothers and she was super cool. I'm not sure why she hadn't been around the past few years, but I was excited to have her back in my life.
Since she was in town, and everyone else busy, my father had asked gram if she would be willing to take me shopping for school clothes and supplies. She agreed and bright an early on Tuesday morning we were off like a whirlwind and headed forty minutes away into the city.
The thing I liked most about Gram, besides everything, was she treated me like an adult. That simple fact made me realize my parents still treated me like a child.
We arrived at the day spa where I was introduced to the wonderful world of full-body massages, facials, manicures, pedicures, and waxing.
Fun side note, they hand you a little card with all the things you want to have done. Not having a clue on what I was doing I cheated on my homework so to speak and copied all my Grams answers. To my chagrin, it led to me getting my legs waxed and learning what a Brazilian is.
After much relaxation and some mile discomfort, we were off to shop for my new wardrobe.
In the past mom always took me to Walmart or the mall for clothes. Old navy was definitely a staple in my life. I mostly wore hoodies and baggie jeans, so shopping was easy and quick.
Now, Gram was having none of the jeans and t-shirt look. The first store she took me to was a boutique of some sort. Gram talked to the sales lady for a few minutes. She came over and started taking all my measurements. Then everything was a blur. Ten boutiques later and I don't know how many packages, we returned to the house.
We brought all the bags into my Grams room. She asked if I remembered when I was little, how she would bring me outfits, and how I would put on a fashion show for her. I laughed at the memory. While she laid outfits out on the bed I stripped down to my bra and panties. Turning toward me Gram gasped and said,
"Oh, sweetie we have to do something about your intimates"
Then it was like I was in one of those old movies like pretty woman or princess diaries. I tried each thing on and did a little spin. Gram would give the final yes or no. We separated the clothes into stacks, ones to keep and one's going back. It was a fantastic day and for the first time in a long time, I felt like a normal person.
The next day we were off like a shot again, this time Gram took me to Victoria Secrets where I was outfitted with bras, panties, stockings, and a couple of other little outfits that kind of made me feel sexy. This was a new feeling for me. She also picked out a couple of things gram said every woman should have on hand to please a man. I just blushed but didn't turn the teddies down.
The next day we shopped for clothing accessories, belts, scarves, bracelets, necklaces, and rings. It was another wonderful day.
Once back home Gram spent the next few hours tossing out most of my old clothes and arranging outfits for me. She showed me how to get the most out of my new wardrobe with different combinations and accessories. She turned ten outfits into fifty. It was a lot to take in but so much fun.
The day before school started, we were off to the stylist to have my hair done
Fast forward to Monday morning. At the ripe old age of nineteen, my grandmother dressed me for school and did my hair and makeup. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't recognize the person staring back. The changes were subtle. You barely noticed I was wearing makeup. My new jeans and blouse accentuated all the right places without making anything stand out. I felt stunning.
I walked into school that first day and everything felt different. I noticed a lot of people looking at me. Not in a hey look there's the weirdo way but in a give you a respectful nod as you pass kind of way. Then the unexpected happened. Janet Warren aka "THE" cool kid, came up to me and asked how my summer was. Then just like that, I was in.
Now that I was back in school, nerves slowly subsided and before the end of the first day, I had more new friends than I knew what to do with. On top of that Janet asked me to go to spring break with her and her friends. Her parents owned a time share in Cancun.
I talked with Gram about it to see if she had any tips on buttering my parents up, but she said the direct approach was best. She said to ask politely and be respectful whatever the answer. I asked, and to my surprise, they said yes. Maybe surprise isn't a strong enough word.
Before we moved to Michigan, we went to Gram's Condo down in Key West regularly. We were always there during spring break, and I spent most summers there. Since the move, we had not been back.
Now the new family tradition was to drag me out camping where I would spend most of the time reading and avoiding all contact with my parents. They got on each other's nerves bad enough, they did not need any encouragement from me! So, when they said yes to Cancun, maybe this was a sign they were finally treating me like an adult and allowing me my freedom, Things seemed to change at home for the better while Gram was visiting.
More later, my hand is cramping up from all this writing.
Dear diary,
Today is Wednesday
After writing lasts night's entry, then reading it this morning, somehow, I feel a little better. It's kind of like when I talk to Gram. Maybe this diary is her way of letting me talk to her so I can get things off my chest. Plus, I guess it gives me something to do since the rain won't stop.
Okay, where were we. The next monumental thing that happened in school started just before Gram left. His name was Jake. He has the most amazing shoulder-length brown hair, and his eyes were so blue they didn't look real. And he smells so, mmmm. He was the new kid, transferring in from a school in Tennessee. The first time I saw him I felt something inside me change. I could feel my heart beating in my ears. Then our eyes met, and he smiled. His teeth were white and perfect. He must have felt it too because he walked right up to me and said,
"Hey, My Names Jake, want to go out sometime."
I was floored. Somehow, I managed to squeak out a breathy sure. He smiled and handed me his cell phone. I put my name and number in and handed it back. He looked at the screen and smiled.
"Pleasure to meet you."
Then he turned and walked away. I just stood there in a stupor. Finally, my phone vibrated breaking me out of the daze. It was a strange number. The text read
" Hey, you up for dinner tomorrow. J."
I spent the rest of the day trying and failing to focus on my classes. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately Jake wasn't in any of my classes to further distract me. Although secretly I was hoping as each hour ended and the next began, he would walk into the room.
Later, at home, I told Gram everything. She just smiled and listened to every word, then congratulated me.
She took me for Ice Cream to celebrate. We ordered and as we sat there, she seemed lost in thought, they called my name, and I went and got my cone. When I sat down Gram spoke.
"Remember, there is more to ice cream than just vanilla. Sure, there are lots of flavors, but there are also toppings.
I looked at her confused and said, "but I like vanilla"
She smiled again and said "someday you will understand."
When we got back, I wondered how my parents were going to act when I asked about going out with Jake. Boys hadn't been interested in me that much before, well, no boys I was interested in anyway.
I was asked to a dance one time my sophomore year and I turned him down. My reputation as a loser was bad enough, I didn't need to ad desperate to that list. I was asked twice in my junior year, but at that time mom and dad told me no.
Expecting the worst, I decided to take Gram's advice and just take the bull by the horns. Dad was the first to get home. I waited until he had changed then started helping him as he made dinner. That's when I asked. To my surprise when I finally got up the courage.
He said, "sure, just don't stay out too late on a school night".
"Shocked and trying to not come off too excited, I just thanked him and walked casually back to my room. I shut the door jumped onto my bed burying my face in the pillow and screamed. I didn't know what else to do I was so excited. Then with fingers shaking, I typed maybe fifty different responses to Jakes text before settling on, "sure"
I nervously checked my phone every three to five seconds for the next hour before my phone finally dinged.
He said, "Great, pick you up at six after school tomorrow".
I spent the rest of the evening with Gram going through everything I owned trying to put together the perfect outfit for school, and the perfect outfit for my date. Gram told me to dress casually for school, then spice it up for the date to get the wow factor. She came up with several different ideas. She told me to sleep on them and make a final decision in the morning. Sleep didn't come easy.
The next morning, I did keep it simple, Jeans and a baby doll tee. Even Gram said it was a good call. It didn't matter though because I didn't see Jason all day. I began to wonder if he was sick when I finally got a text,
"Going to need your address if you're still up for dinner."
I felt a little stupid for not sending it to him last night. I texted him the address saying I would see him tonight.
He responded "k".
I got home and to my surprise Gram was gone. She had left a little note on my bed saying she had to leave early, but she would see me again soon. I was sad but then remembered my date and it was a welcome distraction.
I put my hair up and showered. I did my makeup and hair by myself for the first time, then slipped into a floral knot top midriff blouse that hung off my shoulders. It had a built-in shelf bra and so I was going braless for the first time as well. I wore my cute blue floral print side wrap skirt that landed just above my knee covering the nude thigh-high stockings and guarder with matching silk blue lace boy shorts.
Somehow, I managed to get ready a full hour before Jake was supposed to be there. I stood mesmerized by the person looking back at me in the full-length mirror in the hall. I wondered if I would be able to do it without Gram's assistants, but she had taught me well over the past few days. I thought I looked good for the first time in my life. No, I just didn't look good, I was sexy as hell.
As I walked past the mirror in the hall, checking myself out for the umpteenth time, I began to have second thoughts about the outfit. I noticed even my eyes were drawn to the crisscrossed lace that barely held in my cleavage. As I turned this way and that trying to decide if it was a little risqué for a first date, I noticed as the skirt twirled you could see the top of my stocking and guarder.
I made my mind up to change and started toward my bedroom when mom came up the stairs. I saw her eyes go wide and then narrow.
"Another one of your Gram's outfits?"
"Yeah", I said sheepishly.
"I can't believe you wore something like that to school."
In truth, I wore very little of my new clothes Gram had picked out. Honestly, I felt naked in half of them. I had worn one of them I think the second or third day of school, and while I liked how the boys noticed me, I overheard one of the other girls saying I looked desperate. I didn't want to get a bad image after being in the in crowd for a whole three days. So, I picked the more conservative stuff. Now, Mom stood there giving me the business.
"I didn't wear this to school," I remarked maybe just a little sharper than I had intended.
"Oh, planning on wearing them tomorrow then, I don't think so."
"I'm not wearing them tomorrow either," I said getting a bit more defensive.
It was at this point I realized I had never talked with mom about my date tonight. I was beginning to wonder how I was going to broach the subject when dad came up the stairs, and to his credit saved the day.
"Wow Sweetie, you look great. What time is your date picking you up?"
"Six," I said under my breath.
Mom whirled on him. "What, she is going out on a date on a school night and dressed like that, was anyone going to tell me?"
With that, she stormed off into the bedroom and slammed the door leaving me and dad standing in the upstairs hall staring at each other. Then his face softened, and he smiled. Dad never smiled much but when he did It was very disarming. It also made me feel warm inside. I remember thinking on each of those occasions, I wonder why he doesn't smile more.
Anyway, I am rambling. Dad smiled and I smiled back. Then there was a nock at the door. I must have had a panicked look on my face because dad began reassuring me that everything was going to be fine, and he would talk to mom.
Then he did something he had never done before. He apologized that he had not told mom and that was his fault, and he would take care of it not to worry. I just stood there slack-jawed looking at him. With the second knock, I said, "thanks dad and turned to head down the stair.
"Home by ten," he called out as I flew to the front door and opened it.
Jake was a site to behold. The way he lit up when he saw me. That smile and oh wow he smelled so good. I thought my knees were going to give out. He took my hand and brought it to his lips kissing it.
He asked, "you ready?"
"Yes," I said, but I need to be home by ten."
He smiled again and said, "no problem".
Then he led me to his truck and took me on my first date. With all the newness in my life It had not dawned on me where we could even go with most activities still closed from the pandemic. Jake took me two tracking. It was quite a bit of fun and quite thrilling.
We ended up in a meadow along a small creek. That's when he parked the truck and got out. I slid across the seat, and he helped me down. Then He reached into the back of the truck and handed me a blanket telling me to pick a spot.
I looked at him quizzically and he said, "It's for the picnic." Turning he pulled out a picnic basket and a bouquet of wildflowers he had picked.r"
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